The first of September.

Woken at four by the smell of Norman farting, but as I slowly get up to let him out into the garden, my bare feet encounter wetness. At first I think his bladder is loose but it is worse than that and his bowels have let him down on the carpet. I let him out into the garden and then spend half an hour with a bucket of flash with febreze repairing the damage. Leaving the garden door open for him, in case he gets taken short again, I get back to bed around four thirty and then sleep until eight. Norman is still asleep as I make myself a full English breakfast, and doesn't stir as I drink my coffee later in the Garden room. It is only as I make my way to the front door, to drive into town, after showering and dressing, that he presents himself with tail wagging asking to join me. We park down Norwood and walk the half mile to the Poppy Seed cafe for ten thirty, where we encounter Felicity and her sister, Joy, we are soon joined by Hannah, fresh back from her trip home to Denmark, and then Barbara, Anna and Julia, in quick succession. Norman and I are the only males at the table and the only ones under seventy five years of age. Before I can stop her, Felicity feeds Norman part of her cream scone, and it is only an hour later, after I have helped her home, that the repercussions appear on the pavement. Fortunately I have an abundance of kitchen roll with me and the mess is soon cleared up and deposited in a bin. We arrive back home for twelve thirty, and I make a pot of tea and take some oaties into the garden, and make my plans for the day. Over the weekend I need to catch up on ironing, mow the lawns and tidy the garden and vacuum and clean the car. The weather is cloudy but mild, and Hull City are playing at home to Burnley, so I decide to tackle the ironing first, as it has been building up for a fortnight. First I make preparations for dinner and marinade a couple of lamb chops in garlic and mint, before preparing some broad beans and carrots in a creamy, garlic, parsley sauce. All that now needs to be done is boil some new potatoes in the microwave and fry the lamb chops and my meal will be ready. Preparations complete, I run an extension lead into the garden, set up the iron and board and then tune the radio into the football commentary on BBC Radio Humberside. The Tigers go one nil down after fifteen minutes, to a flakey goal that takes a deflection of a defender, but equalise with an equally flakey deflection by half time. By now it is a quarter to four and everything is ironed, bar four or five shirts, so I call it a day, just as it starts to spit with rain and make an early dinner. It doesn't take long, and I am sitting down to eat as the second half kicks off, within ten minutes Hull have scored twice and go on to win 3 : 1. For desert I finish the stewed plums with vanilla yogurt, and then listen to the football scores as they come in on the BBC. Around six o'clock Normy and I go for our evening walk, the old boy has had some lamb chops, new potatoes and broadbeans in garlic sauce, so I intend to give his bowels the benefit of the countryside before bedtime. Once again the rain has cleared and it is a fine evening, when we get to the the little wooden bridge we turn left and then make our way round an alternate loop that skirts round a large cornfield and eventually brings us out opposite Tickton Manor hotel. The walk is around three miles, but it is hard going for a little old dachshund, as we walk over over deep straw that lies at the side of the cornfield, and I have to carry him for a couple of hundred yards or so. We get home for a quarter to eight and Normy greatfully heads for his bed and I read until bedtime. The forecast for the coming week is fine but mild. To bed around eleven.